1. PORSCHE AND THE LAWYER
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.
Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop might try to make it new again.
His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before ,was now completely ruined and would never be same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'
'Oh my god!' screamed the lawyer.
'My Rolex!!!'
2. BAR TALK
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink.
Walking up behind her he says, 'Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?'
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, 'Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it.'
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, 'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'
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